Confessions of a Crack Head
Zach Samuels
Reviewed by Tina Avon
Confessions of a Crack Head, written by
Zach Samuels (not his real
name), is an extremely honest account of the hellish life of
a crack
cocaine addict. I challenge anyone to read this book without
going
through a host of different emotions - including fear, revulsion and
even hatred.
However, nothing compares to the fear revulsion and
self-hatred that Samuels feels about himself, his life and his
actions. Up to a little over a year ago, Samuels was an addict,
actively involved in his addiction. As anyone who has lived the
nightmare will tell you, you are always an addict - even while in
recovery - you are always only one drink, smoke, fix away from
relapsing - which is why you are strongly encouraged to face your
reality and admit that you are an addict as well as to actively work a
program of recovery.
In this memoir, Samuels bares his soul and tells us what its like to
be a crack addict who is no longer really in denial, but who also has
not hit rock bottom yet. Samuels stories are horrific (smoking
crack
while driving his 4 year old around) and at times, I must say
that I
found myself seriously wondering how anybody could be doing this and
still be able to appear functional to the outside world. Indeed,
one
of the issues that seem to work against him is that he was actively
involved in this drug use, but his wife and his friends did not seem to
be able to connect the dots - this is extremely interesting to me and
tells me that either he was a very good liar (most addicts are) or the
people around him were suffering from their own denial.
What
makes this book different for me is that Samuels details his brief
recovery periods where he sounds as though he will actually get through
this - only to tells us, on the very next page, that he relapsed
again. Samuels actually relapsed quite a few times, but with
every
relapse, he seemed to get a better understanding of himself and his
limitations.
This book is not for the faint of heart and Samuels is still
extremely newly sober - but I found myself rooting for him. He had the
courage to take a look at his self-defeating habits and to work on them
- he has a lot of courage and should be commanded for this, as well as
his persistence and continued belief in the 12 step program.
This is a small book, but it was impossible for me to read it
all in one sitting. I needed to read a chapter and then sit with
it
for a bit. This is a memoir that needs to be read by addicts and
their
families